His wife had been killed in an accident and the police were questioning Finnegan. 
"Did she say anything before she died?" asked the sergeant. 
"She spoke without interruption for about forty years," said the Irishman.

A young gentleman sitting at a bar with his pet pig asks for a couple of drinks. The confused bartender said no animals were allowed at the bar. The man proceeded to say "Ah, but this is a very special pig. Just last week there was a fire in the house and that pig came charging out of his pen into the house and woke us all up . Then a few days later my son fell into the pool and that pig was grazing out on the lawn, and he came running and jumped into the pool and saved my son. " "Well " said the bartended "I guess this pig is very special so I'll get him a drink. By the way I noticed that he is missing one leg, what happened? " "Well said the young man, when you got a pig this good you don't eat him all at once !!!" 

The Doctor was puzzled "I'm very sorry but I can't diagnose your trouble, Mahoney. I think it must be drink. "
"Don't worry about it Dr. Kelley, I'll come back when you're sober."

"Hey Patrick, do I hear you spitting in the vase on the mantelpiece ?" "No, Nora, but I'm getting closer all the time !"

Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink. Quinn thinks he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk !!

Mike lay dying on his bed when his wife Brigid came in to him and asked if there was anything he wanted. 
Mike said "Brigid, what is that delicious smell coming from the kitchen?" 
And Brigid replied "Oh Mike that is a ham I am baking ." 
Mike thought, and said "Brigid, as my dying wish I would love to have some of that ham you're
cooking." 
Then Brigid said "Oh Mike, I'm saving that for the wake !!"

"Did you hear that Flanagan invented an invisible deodorant ?" "No, what good is it ?" 
"Well if you use, you vanish and no one knows where the smell is coming from !"